If you can't change your mind, why have one?

I think I'm going to turn this back into a food blog. It'll motivate me to have fun and be creative with cooking for Juniper. I may start doing vLogs again.

So I'll delete the recent entries soon. I wish there was a way to make some private and some public entries, not one or the other.

Thanks for listening when I needed it!

Though lust do masque in ne'er so strange disguise she's oft found witty, but is never wise.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have lust in my heart.



Every day I think of what life would be like with him. Every night I see him in my dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was in my car, my belongings packed, Juniper in the back seat and ready to go. I ended up in a place surrounded on each side by these enormous mountains and I had no idea how to get across. Suddenly he's in my passenger seat telling me where to go.

He texts me always asking me if I've left yet. I always respond with a no, I don't know where to go, or no, I can't. My responses are always met by silence and it hurts.

But why does it hurt? It should not. Still, I fantasize about him being my knight in shining armor and whisking me away to a better life. The life I should never have left.

But we can't do that. I can't do that. There can't be any dramatic rescue. I am never going to allow him to whisk me away. We have to start at square one.

I've told him more than once that I am never leaving Juniper. No one comes before her, not even myself. He always say he knows. And then he always adds she should have been mine.


I miss him. Sometimes I think it's actually the life we had that I miss. Still, I miss him.

Other things may change us, but we start and end with the family.

A fight between us about my wanting to move away turned into an heavy but diplomatic conversation. Its as if the things I have been saying for months finally hit him upside down in the head and he seemed to understand how irrational he has been. I'm glad, but my feelings stay mostly the same.

I have three choices. Move in with my parents, move to Sacramento with Juniper, or move to Redding with Roman and Juniper. I don't want to live with my parents, but if I have to I will. I'm afraid of moving to an unknown place as a single mother and trying to make it without money to start with. I hate to break up our family so I'm going to give Redding a shot.

I don't like Redding. But I'll accept it as a starting point. I'm not happy in the relationship, but maybe with a bigger deaf community and a job, I'll be a happier person. Maybe it'll mend the breaks. I won't know until I try.

In Redding, Roman will have a construction job through his uncle. It's what he's good at and likes to do. Not this stupid waiter/bartender crap. Maybe I'll like him better if he makes more money..ha-ha. I hate that he seems to have no goals or ambitions. It drives me crazy..as if he doesn't want what's best for the family.

If we go to Redding, it'll have to happen after October. Let's hope I don't go stir crazy before then.

I hate Redding.

The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.

I am so nervous.

Mom is going to talk to dad about letting me move back in, or helping me out with a new place until I get back on my feet. Knowing dad, he's an asshole and probably will say no. I've offered to pay rent so..I'm hoping he will have a heart. My mind is going in thousands of directions and I feel physically ill.

Being jobless and a mother, I can't just move into a cheap one bedroom apartment somewhere. I need an income first. I need help. I swallowed my pride and applied for income based housing, but all I was able to do was submit a pre-application because the waiting list is not open until November. When it opens, I need to submit a full application and hope they choose me out of thousand other needy families.

I applied in Sacramento. They have a large deaf community and resources, and the cost of living is fairly low. Compared to the Bay, at least.. But I don't have any family or friends there. I want to move back to the Bay, but I can't go there and start from nothing. My family is there and I need them. I need dad to be willing to help me out. My mom has already said she will take care of Juniper while I work. Thank goodness because the thought of putting her in daycare makes me cry.



Yesterday Jesse professed his love for me and said he'll come and get me when I leave Humboldt. I'm going to pull my hair out.

I'm so completely overwhelmed.

Giving up doesn't always mean you are weak; sometimes it means that you are strong enough to let go.

But sometimes I'm afraid I'm not strong enough.

I've been slowly falling out of love, but it has accelerated in the last two months or so. I no longer see him through rose tinted lenses. When I wake up in the morning and see him next to me, I no longer feel warm. Instead I'm disgusted. When I look at him, his flaws are screaming at me. I pull away at every embrace.

At this point, I don't know if it's repairable. After expressing my feelings over and over, he has been making an effort.. but only here and there. Maybe I'm not saying enough. I've always been horrible at sharing my thoughts and feelings. They're loud and clear in my head, but I'm never able to put it into words.

I dream about leaving, but I'm afraid of being alone. I'm afraid I will not make it by myself. I'm afraid no one will want me.

I need to be desired. I need someone to go through life with me. That's the only thing keeping me here.

Testing One, Two, Three...

There are too many memories in this blog so I cannot bear to delete all the old entries. I can remember each meal I posted and.. how happy I was during these days. Young, naive, and free of responsibilities.

So I'll turn this blog private. I need a place to freely write my thoughts and feelings. I used to write in my journal, but I haven't done so in months since Roman read my journal. I don't feel safe writing anymore, but I cannot blame him for reading it. Curiosity gets the best of people.

Hopefully I'll be able to compose my thoughts soon. I have months worth of heavy feelings and complicated emotions. I'm a private person and I struggle to open up, but I think it will be good to do so. Somewhat therupetic.

Sometimes you have to let go to see if there was anything worth holding on to.

CLOSED.

Maybe I'll start up this blog again some day. I don't have the motivation or equipment* at the moment to keep b/vLoggin'.


Too bad because I'm making chocolate cake tonight and it's going to be heavenly.

Adieu!




*my chopped up videos bug the heck out of me. no video editing programs on my computer and besides, it'd be nice to have a real videocam recorder for my vLogs.

Men may come and men may go, but pie goes on forever.

Winter Fruit Compote




Almost any combination of dried fruits can be refreshed this way and turned into a dessert to be served alongside a slice of cake, or with a little creme fraiche. Fresh winter citrus fruits also make beautiful winter compotes when soaked in syrup flavored with their zest. The compote makes a memorable tart filling. Strain off the liquid and use the fruit to make a galette. Reduce the liquid and use it to glaze the galette after baking.

In a medium-size saucepan, combine:
1/2 cup golden raisins
1/4 cup Zante currants
1/4 cup dried cherries
1/2 cup dried apricots, diced
1/2 cup dried apples, diced
1 3/4 cups fresh orange juice
3 strips orange zest
1/4 cup brown sugar

Split in half lengthwise:
one 1-inch piece of vanilla bean
Use the tip of a really sharp knife to scrape the black seeds from the inside of the bean directly into the saucepan; then add the bean, along with:
1 star anise (optional)
Cook over medium heat until the dried fruits have plumped and the juice has slightly thickened, about 3 to 5 minutes. Let cool slightly, then discard the vanilla bean, orange zest, and star anise.


To make the tart dough.. (also under the cut is vLogs of Mini and Grizzly!)

Have measured:
1/2 cup ice-cold water
Mix together:
2 cups all-purpose unbleached flour
1/2 tsp salt (omit if using salted butter)
Add:
12 tbsp cold butter, cut into small cubes

Cut or work the butter into the flour with a pastry blender or your fingertips, leaving some of the butter in fairly large, irregular pieces. This will take a minute or two. Pour in three quarters of the water, stirring all the while with a fork until the dough begins to form clumps. Keep adding water if needed. Divide the dough in two, bring each part together into a ball, and wrap each ball in plastic. Compress each ball, and then flatten them into disks. Let rest, refrigerated, for an hour or longer.

Tart dough is easiest to roll out when it is malleable, but not soft. If it has been chilling for a number of hours, allow it to sit out of the refrigerator for about twenty minutes to soften.
When ready to roll, take the disk of dough, still wrapped in plastic, and flatten it well with your hands, tapping or pinching edges to seal shut any cracks. Dust the counter lightly, and dust the top of the dough generously as well. With the rolling pin, tap firmly across the top fo the dough a few times to flatten the disk even more, then begin to roll. Guide the rolling pin from the center of the disk towards the edges, pressing with firm but consistent pressure. After a few rolls, turn the dough over, smooth the flour on top, and reflour the work surface. Keep rolling the dough out from the center, as opposed to back and forth.
Roll the dough a little less than 1/8-inch thick for an open-faced tart. Roll it slightly thicker for pie or double-crusted tart. Once the dough is rolled, lightly brush off the flour (a brush or a kitchen towel will work if used with a light touch).
To move the dough, fold it in half and then quarters. Transfer the dough onto a baking sheet lined with parchment paper (highly recommended to avoid sticking). Put the dough back in the refrigerator, baking sheet and all, to rest for an hour.

Grizzly approves. The tart dough was by far the best I've made, but the fruits was alright. I did not like the apricots at all!! Loved the apples the most.





If you have a cat, you must go buy the yeeow catnip! cat cigar thing. Mini (formerly known as Relish) isn't a big fan of catnip, but this cigar is filled to the brim with organic catnip tops and she goes insannee for it. This is her third cigar!

God's always got a custard pie up his sleeve.

After spending Christmas with Jesse's parents, we returned home with a car full of goods, including lemons from the tree in his parent's backyard. I used it often in cooking, and made wonderful lemon curd with a few lemons.

I don't have a picture of the finished product, nor do I have a picture of the sponge cake roll filled with lemon curd. Daaang yummy, but my idiotic self used my biggest baking sheet for the sponge cake, so I ended up with a super thin cake that rolled over itself multiple times instead of the standard thick cake rolled over a few times. Still yummy nonetheless! We had it for breakfast on a Sunday morning mmmm

Lemon Curd




2-3 lemons (preferably Meyer lemons, about 10 ounces)
1/4 tsp cornstarch*
1/4 cup sugar
4 eggs
6 tbsp unsalted butter

*cornstarch may be omitted unless you want to use the custard as a filling in a tart you want to brown

There are so many variations you can use to make curd, and I don't think this is the recipe I followed.. Maybe, I don't remember!! I copied and altered this recipe from my Chez Panisse Desserts cookbook. It actually is a Blood Orange Curd recipe that I copied, and you can subsitute the lemon for pretty much any citrus fruits! Just add a tbsp of lemon juice to whatever fruit you choose.

Wash the lemons and finely grate the peel into a non-corroding bowl. Juice the lemons, strain the juice into the bowl. Mix the cornstarch into sugar if using (this helps prevent lumps from forming when the cornstarch is cooked into the eggs). Put the eggs in a small non-corroding saucepan and whisk the sugar-cornstarch mixture into them. Stir in the juice-peel mixture. Don't be alarmed if it curdles, it will smooth out later. Cut the butter into several pieces and add to the mixture.

Cook over low heat. Once the butter melts, whisk constantly until smooth. Alternatively, stir constantly with a wooden spoon until the mixture coats the spoon. Remove from the heat and stir for a minute or two until the heat of the pan dissipates so the custard won't curdle on the bottom. Pour into a small container and chill.

As you can see in the second vLog, I strained the curd through a fine metal mesh strainer. I highly recommend doing so, for straining will smoothen the curd and eliminate the zest, along with any curdled egg bits.


I know y'all non-Californians are blanketed in snow, and this would be nothing to you guys but HEY ITS ARCATA OK. At sea level too! It was very wet snow that hardly stuck, but it lasted from late AM to late afternoon.

Quick, Healthy, and Easy! Homemade Hummus

That bowl o' barf actually is yummy, yummy homemade hummus!

Hummus

one can garbanzo beans
1/2 cup tahini*
juice of a lemon
garlic clove, peeled, sprinkled with salt, and mashed into a paste
water
salt and freshly ground pepper
paprika

Rinse the garbanzo beans and add to food processor, along with tahini, lemon juice, garlic paste, and a (hefty, but don't overseason) touch of salt and pepper. Process until there are no visible chunks of garbanzo beans left. Add about 1/3 cup of water and process. Continue adding water a little bit at a time until desired consistency is acheived. Taste for seasoning and adjust as needed.
Transfer hummus to a bowl and sprinkle paprika over. Enjoy the hummus with fresh vegetables or toasted pita bread.

You can make the hummus any flavors you want! I did a sundried tomato and basil hummus, which gave it a gorgeous salmon pink color with flecks of green thorough the hummus. I suggest roasted red peppers, fresh herbs, cumin, spinach, olives, and so on! Adjust the amount of ingredients to taste. If you don't like the taste of tahini, don't use as much! Or if you wish for it to be more garlicky, add more garlic! You get the idea :)

*tahini: sesame paste made from lightly roasted sesame seeds. Tahini can be found in most speciality food stores, though I'm not sure about supermarkets! Check the international food section, namely the Middle East food section.

Eat leeks in tide and garlic in May, and all the year after physicians may play.

I got rid o' my vLogs because heck I never like my productions! I do that quite often..delete vLogs after I post 'em! I don't sign right, I make funny faces, and whatnot! Probably not true, but I think so heh aanndd I think as I go, so my points are all over the place and I don't explain things very well. So, I found a great vLog that gets my point across better : )

Jon Savage's BULLY ASL

Homemade Eggnog

4 egg yolks
1/3 cup + 1 tbsp sugar
1 pint whole milk
1 cup heavy cream
3 ounces bourbon
1 tsp freshly grated nutmeg
4 egg whites

In bowl of a stand mixer, beat the egg yolks until they lighten in color. Gradually add the 1/3 cup sugar and continue to beat until it is completely dissolved. Add the milk, cream, bourbon, and nutmeg and stir to combine.
Place the egg whites in a clean bowl of a stand mixer and beat to soft peaks. With the mixer still running, gradually add 1 tbsp sugar and beat until stiff peaks forms.
Fold the egg whites into the yolk mixture. Chill and serve.
Cooked Eggnog for high risk populations:
Beat the yolks in a stand mixture until they lighten in color. Gradually add 1/3 cup of sugar and beat until dissolved. Set aside.
In medium saucepan, over high heat, comvine the milk, heavy cream, nutmeg, and bring just to a boil, stirring occasionally. Remove from heat and gradually temper the hot mixture into the egg and sugar mixture, then return everything to the pot and cook until the mixture reaches 160 degrees. Remove from heat, stir in bourbon, pour into medium bowl, and set in refrigerator to chill.
In medium mixing bowl, beat the egg whites to soft peaks. With the mixer running, gradually add 1 tbsp sugar and beat until stiff peaks form. Whisk into chilled mixture.

**
Soup with potatoes and leeks have got to be my favorite. This recipe worked well, but I was upset I didn't have any bacon! Cook the veggies in bacon fat and crumble some bacon over the soup at the end. Yumm-o!

Potato Leek Soup



a lot of butter or even better, bacon fat!!
a pound of medium size potatoes of any kind (used red), diced
two medium leeks, white and light green part only, cleaned and sliced
small onion, diced (don't need onions, but I had some I wanted to use up)
four cups warmed free range low sodium chicken broth
1/2-1 cup heavy cream (preferred), milk, or half-and-half
salt and pepper
dill

Heat up the fat in a large pot over medium-high and add the vegetables. Season with salt. Cook until softened slightly, 5 to 7 minutes. Add enough warmed broth to cover vegetables; bring to boil. Reduce heat and simmer for twenty minutes until potatoes are cooked through. Smash the potatoes slightly with wooden spoon and stir in cream. Cook a bit longer until soup has thickened.
In small batches (SRSLY. small batches, okay?? otherwise the soup is gonna explode!), puree in blender and return to pot. Reheat soup, taste for seasoning (I added white pepper. Freshly ground black pepper works, but white isn't visible). Stir in dill and serve.

Cinnamon and Ginger, Nutmegs and Cloves, And that, gave me my jolly red nose!

OYSTERS UNDER THE CUT, UNDER MY RANTIN' REGARDING MFCS (shakes fist) YEAH GO CHECK IT OUT HUH

Mmm cinnamon rolls. My first attempt some time ago was a tasty disaster. I had filled it with thinly sliced apples and well, what came out of the oven didn't quite look like a cinnamon roll. It was a bunch of widely spaced spiral rolls with apples peeking out! It just was not a cinnamon roll. I don't know what it was!!

This time, I made teeny weeny almond cinnamon rolls with almond extract and sliced almonds tucked away in the rolls. Fucken awesome stuff- Jesse and I ate fifty-six (the whole lot) in a single day!

Teeny Weeny Almond Cinnamon Rolls



dough: 1 package active dry yeast
1/2 cup warm water (105-115 degrees)
1/2 cup lukewarm milk (scalded then cooled)
1/3 cup sugar
1/3 cup butter
1 tsp salt
1 egg
3 1/2 - 4 cups all-purpose flour
fillings: 1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 cup melted butter
2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 tsp almond extract
couple handfuls sliced almonds
(this was not enough filling for me! I suggest ya up everything by a bit)

Dissolve yeast in warm water in large bowl. Stir in milk, sugar, butter, salt, egg, and 2 cups of the flour. Beat until smooth. Mix in enough flour to make dough easy to handle.
Turn dough onto lightly floured surface, knead until smooth and elastic, about five minutes. Place in greased bowl; turn greased-side up. Cover; let rise in warm place until doubled, about 1 1/2 hours. Dough is ready when indentation made with your finger slowly rises up (if it holds its place, it is over-risen).
Punch down dough and separate into quarters. Roll each section out into flat rectangles as thick as tortillas.
In small bowl, mix together filling ingredients, except almonds. Spread about a quarter of the mixture onto each flat sheet of dough and sprinkle a light, scattered layer of almond slices over. Roll the dough up jelly-roll style. Slice each roll into sections, each section being a finished minature (or large as you wish) cinnamon roll. Place each roll cut-end down on a baking sheet and allow rolls to rise for about 35-40 minutes, then bake at 375 degrees for 10 minutes for small rolls, 20 to 30 minutes for larger rolls.
For the glaze, mix a tablespoon of melted butter, a tablespoon of milk or cream, a teaspoon of almond extract, and 2-4 cups powdered sugar, depending on how thick you want your glaze to be. Glaze the rolls as soon as they're out of the oven to seal in the softness. Sprinkle toasted almonds* on top if you wish. Let them cool a few minutes then devour!
*almonds can be toasted in a skillet or 375 degrees oven for 4 to 6 minutes. keep an eye on them, for they will burn fast. toast until light golden brown.


So yeah, MFCS is bullshit ahaha it's too bad because I was totally excited about working at a farm store, but man.. yuck. Almost daily, I see three things wrong with raw chicken and all happening simultaneously! Raw chicken stored wrong, raw chicken sitting in a bowl of still water, and raw chicken left out on the counter by the grill for hours. I wouldn't dare to eat anything with chicken there! And countless times I noticed the meat smelled or looked really funky before slicing, so I'd always say something and the response was always awful like "Well, YOU have a heightened sense of smell than the rest of us. It's fine." Yeah I'm deaf so therefore my smelling must be a hundred thousand times superior than hearing people huh what even if that's true, use it to your advantage oh thank goddd someone caught the stanky smellin' meat before it was served! Man they were super rude about communicating with me. Rolled eyes and espagerated (sp!!) sighs when I write out a question or comment for someone (WHO-T SCOFFFS.) I also pointed out green meat once, and I was told color doesn't fucking matter. hell yes color matters! If your meat has gone from a nice soft pink to a putrid green, I think that's a damn indicator it's rotten. That place was also infested with flies it was disgusting. Flies spit into food, which dissolves it into liquid that they can absorb. And flies just absolutely love dog spit and rancid rotten food so what are they're bringing into that place, huh? The refrigerator's fucking awful. Way too over-crowded and it's often dripping wet. Shit spills all the time and when I let the owner know it's dirty, she was like yeah so? YEAH SO?!?? Good lord. I could go on, but jesus christ almighty I've said enough!!

So having a boyfriend who's a boat rigger has its perks! The other day, Jesse came home with a bag full o' oysters!! Pulled 'em off a bottom of one of the boats that came in for some fixin' and got like, thirty



I made a chipotle aioli, which was made by following the homemade mayonnaise recipe here and adding a buncha garlic softened with salt and smashed into a paste and a couple chipotles with about a tablespoon or more of adobo sauce. The oysters, after a long process of shuckin' em, were very lightly dredged in seasoned flour and sauteed for no more than ten seconds per side. Pretty dang tasty! Next time Jesse brings home a bunch o' oysters, I would love to make Leeks and Oyster Chowder mmmm.

All cornbread is authentic, as long as it's good, hot, and made with love and fresh ingredients.

Buttermilk Scallion Skillet Corn Bread



1 stick unsalted butter
6 scallions
2 cups stoneground yellow cornmeal
1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
4 tsp sugar
1 tbsp baking powder
1 tsp baking soda
2 tsp salt
1 tbsp vegetable shortening or rendered bacon fat
4 large eggs
2 cups well-shaken buttermilk

Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Melt butter and cool. Finely chop scallions. Into a bowl, sift together cornmeal, flour, sugar, baking powder, baking soda, and salt.
Heat a well-seasoned 10-inch cast-iron skillet in middle of oven for 10 minutes. Put shortening or bacon fat in skillet and heat 5 minutes (was too long for me! only did a minute or two). Swish skillet to coat.
While skillet is heating, make batter: separate eggs. In large bowl with an electric mixer, beat yolks until pale and beat in butter and buttermilk. In bowl with cleaned beaters, beat whites until they just hold stiff peaks. Stir flour mixture into yolk mixture and fold in egg whites and scallions gently but thoroughly. Pour batter into hot skillet and, working quickly, spread evenly.
Bake corn bread in middle of oven until a tester comes out clean, 20 to 25 minutes.

God sendeth and giveth both mouth and meat.

I made ahh-mazing ragu with things mom had sent in a care package. I highly recommend this recipe, for there's nothing better than a thick hearty meat sauce to go on top of some good ol' pasta.

Ragù con Porcini e Pinoli alla Ligure
Ragù with Porcini and Pine Nuts in the Style of Liguria



1/2 cup (30g) dried porcini*
4 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1 small onion, very finely chopped
2 large garlic cloves, very finely chopped
1/2 pound lean ground beef
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup dry red wine
1/4 cup pine nuts
1 tsp chopped fresh rosemary
1 bay leaf
4 tbsp tomato paste
1 1/4 pounds fresh or canned drained plum tomatoes, peeled, seeded and chopped

*subsitute 1/4 pounds fresh porcini, chanterelles, cremini, or shiitake mushrooms for the dried porcini

Soak the dried porcini in 3/4 cup of warm water for 30 minutes. Drain, reserving the soaking liquid. Squeeze out the excess water and then chop the porcini. Strain the liquid through paper towels and reserve.
Warm the oil in a wide pan over medium-low heat. Add the onion and garlic and saute until soft, 3-4 minutes.
Add the ground beef and salt, using a wooden spoon to break up the meat and turn it so that it browns evenly. Saute until light brown on the surface but still pinkish inside, about 5 minutes.
Pour in the wine and allow it to evaporate, about 2 minutes. Add the porcini, pine nuts, rosemary, bay leaf, and tomato paste. Stir, then add the porcini soaking liquor (substitue with 3/4 cup broth). Simmer until most of the liquid has evaporated, 5 minutes.
Stir in the tomatoes and simmer, partially covered, stirring frequently, until the sauce is thick and aromatic, about 45 minutes. Remove the pan from the heat. Check for salt and add pepper.

Not unless the chicken jumped out of the oven and banged one.

Some time ago, Jesse had a craving for roasted chicken, so I found a recipe for him to do. Well, I did all the prep work and he cooked the chicken. I'll still pass it off as his work ;) Don't mind the sauteed zucchini, squash, and shrooms in the picture. Just something I whipped up with leftovers!

Roasted Chicken with Herb Butter



3-4 pounds organic free-range chicken
1 medium onion, unpeeled and cut lengthwise into sections
4 tbsp dry white wine (didn't have any, so we used beer)
6 tbsp butter, room temperature
3 tbsp finely chopped parsley
1 tbsp finely snipped chives or finely chopped scallion
1 tsp finely chopped fresh tarragon or thyme leaves
1 tsp lemon juice
salt and pepper

First, make the herb butter. Put the butter in a bowl and beat it with a wooden spoon to soften it. Add the chopped herbs, scallion if using, lemon juice, and salt and pepper. Stir the ingredients together, then beat them vigorously until combined. Preheat oven to 400 degrees.
Prepare the chicken*, putting two onion sections in the cavity of the bird before tying the legs with string. Put the remaining onion in the roasting pan.
Put the rack in the pan and place the bird on the rack. Spread the herb butter liberally all over the bird (I stuffed some of the butter under the breast skin), then spoon the white wine into the pan.
Turn the chicken upside down (on its boob) and roast for about 20 minutes or until browned, then turn it over so that it is breasy side up and baste it with the buttery cooking juices.
Return the chicken to the oven and roast for 55-70 minutes more, or until the thickest part registers 160 degrees when probe of instant-read thermometer is inserted.
Wrap the chicken in a large sheet of foil, then let it rest for about 15 minutes. Remove the rack and onion from the pan and make the gravy**

*Preparing a chicken:
With your fingers, pull off the excess white fat on both sides of the opening at the tail end of the bird.
Wipe the cavity with paper towels, then use a fresh piece to wipe the skin. The skin crisps better if dry.
Turn the bird breast side down and pull the neck skin over the neck cavity. If you like, cut off the excess skin with scissors to neaten it.
Twist the wings around so the tips come up and over the skin to secure it. Turn the bird breast side up and tie the legs together with string.

**Making gravy:
Tilt the roasting pan so the juices settle in one corner, then spoon off most of the fat, leaving the dark juices in the pan. Discard the surplus fat. Put the roasting pan on the burner, over medium heat.
Sprinkle 2 tsp all-purpose flour over the juices in the pan and whisk with a coil whisk over medium heat for 2-3 minutes until the flour browns a little.
Pour in 1 1/4 cups hot stock and bring to boil, whisking all the time. If you like, add 4 tbsp white or red wine; whisk to mix. Simmer for 2 minutes then check for seasoning.

Keys to success:
Defrost a frozen bird thoroughly before you prepare it, or it will not cook thoroughly. Pierce the wrapping, then stand the bird on paper towels in a container. Let stand in refrigerator for 36 hours until no ice crystals remain in the cavity.
For the skin to be crisp, it must be completely dry before cooking, so wipe it well with paper towels (do before rubbing on butter). This is especially important if the bird has been frozen, because it is often quite wet after defrosting.
If the breast skin shows signs of overbrowning during roasting, remove the chicken from oven, cover it with a "tent" of foil, and then return to oven.

Tomatoes and squash never fail to reach maturity. You can spray them with acid, beat them with sticks and burn them; they love it.

For some time, I actually could afford going to the Farmer's Market [gasps]and was on a big late summer / fall vegetables kick.

There was an article full of heart-warming pictures of Chef Ramsey cooking with his daughter (aw man I'm so jealous of that little sweetheart! I mean, g'damn Ramsey's her dad!!) and there was a recipe for..

Sauteed Zucchini, Cherry Tomatoes, Olives, and Basil



six servings
2 tbsp extra-virgin olive oil
1 1/4 - 1 1/2 pounds zucchini, cut into 1/2-inch thick slices
2 large garlic cloves, sliced
1 1/2 tsp fresh rosemary, chopped
2 cups small cherry tomatoes, halved
1/3 cup halved pitted Kalamata olives
1/4 cup thinly sliced fresh basil
1 tbsp balsamic vinegar

Heat oil in large skillet over medium-high heat. Add zucchini, garlic, and rosemary. Sprinkle with salt and pepper. Saute until zucchini is just tender, about 5 minutes. Add tomatoes and olives. Saute until tomatoes just begin to soften, about 2 minutes. Mix in basil and vinegar. Season vegetables to taste with salt and pepper. Transfer to bowl and serve.

..which I paired with

Potato-Onion Gratin (not pictured)

six servings
3 tbsp olive oil, divided + more for brushing
4 cups thinly sliced onions
3 large garlic cloves, chopped
1 tbsp fresh thyme, chopped
1 tsp fresh rosemary, chopped
2 pounds Yukon Gold, peeled and sliced into 1/8-inch rounds
3/4 tsp salt
3/4 tsp coarsely ground black pepper
1 1/4 cup low sodium chicken broth

Heat 2 tbsp oil in large skillet over medium high heat. Add onions and garlic; sprinkle with salt and pepper. Saute until onions are golden, about 8 minutes. Add thyme and rosemary; saute two minutes.
Preheat oven to 425 degrees. Brush 11x7x2-inch glass baking dish with oil. Arrange 1/3 of potatoes in dish. Sprinkle with 1/4 tsp each salt and pepper. Top potatoes with half of the onion mixture. Repeat; finish top layer with potatoes. Pour broth over and drizzle with 1 tbsp oil.
Cover dish with foil. Bake potatoes 30 minutes. Uncover and continue to bake until potatoes are tender and top is golden, about 25 minutes longer. Let stand 10 minutes and serve.

Simple and delicious! I can't remember if I cooked meat to go with that, or if I did a vegetarian dinner. Humm good both ways!




Here, is a sort of pad-thai thing. Sliced carrots and zucchini sauteed until softened, organic packaged udon noodles added to the mix, and then covered in a sauce of peanut butter, coconut milk, teriyaki sauce, curry paste, and garlic. Sauteed until sauce's thick and coats the noodles. Pretty darn good, and easy! Add marinated baked tofu or chicken to the mix if ya wish.

Manx may be short of tail, but long with personality.

I'm working on the hundred thousand (a few) meals I have not yet posted. There was a request for more picture/videos of Grizzly, and on my camera was plenty o' cute pictures and adorable vLogs of my kitterkats, so here they are!



From Wikipedia: There are various legends that seek to explain why the Manx has no tail. In one of them, Noah closed the door of the ark when it began to rain and accidentally cut off the Manx's tail, who'd been playing and almost got left behind.

Goodness, I'd believe that! Manx cats are so personable and very, very playful!

See I got him, see the size! Stripped and cleaned before your eyes. Sweet meat look, fresh and ready to cook.

Watch the upper left corner/center 'bout 25 sec into the video and ya will see Mr. Crawfish! At 'bout 50 sec, ya can see him being pulled in from the center of the video!



Such a crappy vid, but see how the dang guy won't let go off the jerky once he gets it? Crazy easy to catch 'em!

What'd I do with 'em crawfish? Well, there wasn't enough for a big meal (got 'bout seventeen) so we got prawns (I wanted chicken but what was at the store looked groossss.) and made 'crab'cakes! Dang yummy. To go with it, I made chipotle mayonnaise mm good stuff in an egg sandwich in the morning!



Crawfish Cakes with Chipotle Tartar Sauce

Homemade mayonnaise:
if making by hand, use an egg yolk only rather than a whole egg
1 large egg
1 tsp Dijon mustard
1 tbsp white wine vinegar
salt and pepper
1 1/4 cups sunflower oil
juice of 1/2 lemon

Put the egg, mustard, vinegar, and seasoning in a processor with the metal blade; process until blended.
With the machine on full speed, gradually add the oil through the feed tube in a steady stream.
When the mayonnaise is thick, remove the lid, add the lemon juice, and process to combine. Check seasoning. Store in a covered container in the refrigerator for up to three days.

variation: chipotle mayonnaise- add 1-2 chipotles and a tablespoon+ of adobo sauce (from can of chipotles)

Tartar sauce:
instead of adding dried chipotles, I made chipotle mayonnaise
2 dried chipotle peppers
1/2 cup prepared mayonnaise
1 tbsp chopped green onions
juice of lemon
salt and pepper

In a cast-iron skillet over high heat pan roast peppers, toasting them on all sides, until smoky and slightly charred. Chop finely.
In a small bowl combine with remaining sauce ingredients. Adjust seasonings, to taste, with salt and pepper.



Crawfish cakes:
2 tbsp + 1 tsp oil
1 cup shelled crawfish tails
2 tbsp each chopped onion, red bell pepper, celery
creole spice
1 egg
1/2 cup panko bread crumbs
chopped parsley for garnish

In a sauté pan heat 1 teaspoon oil, add chopped onion, red pepper and celery, and toss and cook 2 minutes until tender. Remove pan from heat and add garlic, crawfish meat, and 1 teaspoon Creole spice or to taste. Transfer to a mixing bowl and set aside to cool.
Mix in egg and enough bread crumbs for mixture to bind; adjust seasonings to taste with salt, pepper and Creole spice. Form into 4 equal patties and flatten to 3/4-inch thick.
Heat remaining oil in a sauté pan and cook cakes on both sides until brown and crispy. Serve garnished with parsley and a dollop of tartar sauce.



The salad is red oak lettuce picked from my own little vegetable garden, candied walnuts (walnuts lightly toasted in walnut oil and brown sugar), Humboldt Fog (best blue cheese ever) and lemon vinaigrette that I made.
In the bowl is chipotle tartar sauce and the can w/ lid is my vinaigrette. Jesse also filled a bowl with sour patch kids for dessert, and in the glasses is Petite Sirah from Jesse's parent's winery.

Yum!

Here's a cute picture of Grizzly, the silliest little Manx ever.

An apple is an excellent thing-- until you have tried a peach.

Baking is the only thing that will make me enthusiastically jump out of bed at five in the morning! Before the road trip down south last weekend, I got up early to make an adapted version of Plum Tarte Tatin using peaches Jesse and I picked from a tree we spotted while picking berries in Blue Lake. It was all made using only a cast iron skillet, and that was fun! Start it on the stove and finish off in the oven, flip it right-side-up once cooled throughout and ya got yourself a tarte tatin, which is an upside-down caramel tart. Very cool!



I brought it down to Jesse's parents, and they gobbled it all up! Compliments were plenty, and I'm sure glad they liked it. It was yummy! I'd make it again, trying different fruits each time.



Plum Tarte Tatin with Orange Creme Fraiche (I adapted this recipe)

1 cup creme fraiche
1 tsp grated orange peel
1 sheet frozen puff pastry (1/2 of 17.3oz pack), properly thawed (follow instructions)
2 1/4 lbs sweet firm red plums, halved and pitted
2 tbsp + 2/3 cup sugar, divided
1 tbsp fresh lemon juice
1 1/2 tsp finely grated lemon peel
1/8 tsp ground nutmeg
1/2 vanilla bean, split lengthwise
6 tbsp unsalted butter

Whisk creme fraiche and orange peel in small bowl. Cover; chill. Roll out pastry on lightly floured surface; trim corners to create circle.
Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Mix plums, 2 tbsp sugar, lemon juice, lemon peel, nutmeg and seeds from vanilla bean in large bowl. Let stand for half an hour.
Melt butter in heavy ovenproof 9-inch-diameter skillet over medium heat. Sprinkle remaining 2/3 cup sugar evenly over melted butter. Tightly arrange plums, cut side up, in concentric circles in skillet. Plums will soften while cooking, creating an even layer. Drizzle accumulated juices from bowl over top. Cook over medium heat, shaking skillet gently to prevent sticking. Continue cooking until syrup turns deel red, pressing plums slightly to form compact layer, about 35 minutes. Remove skillet from heat; cool 10 minutes.
Slide crust atop plums in skillet. press crust edges down around plums at edge of skillet. Cut several slits to allow steam to escape. Bake until golden brown, about 30 minutes. Cool tart completely in skillet.
Rewarm in skillet set over high heat to loosen, about 3 minutes. Place large platter over skillet. Using oven mitts, hold skillet and platter together and invert, allowing tart to settle on platter. Slowly lift off skillet. Let stand at least 30 minutes and up to four hours at room temperature. Serve with orange creme fraiche.

My manwich!

I made slow cooked sloppy joes for dinner, and it was fabulous! I got a bit excited with the rooster chili sauce, so it was super spicy heh but I think I did a pretty good job softening the heat (see vLogs). I wish I got pictures of the finished sandwich, but Melissa and Timm were over for dinner and we all were very eager to start eating, so I forgot! Bummer because they looked great heh organic buns and local cheddar (Loleta), and big heapings of slow cooked sloppy joes mmmm!

Favorite Sloppy Joes (serves 6-8)

2 pounds ground beef
1/2 cup chopped onion
3/4 cup chili sauce
1/2 cup water
1/4 cup prepared mustard
2 tsp chili powder
hamburger buns, split
cheddar cheese, sliced

Note: I caught the camera before it hit something! Order of ingredients I added: chili powder, rooster chili sauce (smells good..spicy!!), organic mustard

Lookit! My tomatoes &lettuce :)

And I've got somebody special for y'all to see! She's a sweet little Manx


Transcript: Hi! I want to introduce you to my new kitty named Grizzly. Cutee! See she has no tail? She's a Manx.

Because of her back leg proportions, she hops rather than run! Manx cats started the urban legend of the Cabbit (half cat, half rabbit). Man, they're the craziest things! So playful and sweet..Far more interested in humans than other animals and loves to ride in the car! So we're leash-training her :)


ya can't see grizzly do squat! She's too small and black heh