The mind that is anxious about the future is miserable.

I am so nervous.

Mom is going to talk to dad about letting me move back in, or helping me out with a new place until I get back on my feet. Knowing dad, he's an asshole and probably will say no. I've offered to pay rent so..I'm hoping he will have a heart. My mind is going in thousands of directions and I feel physically ill.

Being jobless and a mother, I can't just move into a cheap one bedroom apartment somewhere. I need an income first. I need help. I swallowed my pride and applied for income based housing, but all I was able to do was submit a pre-application because the waiting list is not open until November. When it opens, I need to submit a full application and hope they choose me out of thousand other needy families.

I applied in Sacramento. They have a large deaf community and resources, and the cost of living is fairly low. Compared to the Bay, at least.. But I don't have any family or friends there. I want to move back to the Bay, but I can't go there and start from nothing. My family is there and I need them. I need dad to be willing to help me out. My mom has already said she will take care of Juniper while I work. Thank goodness because the thought of putting her in daycare makes me cry.



Yesterday Jesse professed his love for me and said he'll come and get me when I leave Humboldt. I'm going to pull my hair out.

I'm so completely overwhelmed.