Though lust do masque in ne'er so strange disguise she's oft found witty, but is never wise.

Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I have lust in my heart.



Every day I think of what life would be like with him. Every night I see him in my dreams. Last night I dreamt that I was in my car, my belongings packed, Juniper in the back seat and ready to go. I ended up in a place surrounded on each side by these enormous mountains and I had no idea how to get across. Suddenly he's in my passenger seat telling me where to go.

He texts me always asking me if I've left yet. I always respond with a no, I don't know where to go, or no, I can't. My responses are always met by silence and it hurts.

But why does it hurt? It should not. Still, I fantasize about him being my knight in shining armor and whisking me away to a better life. The life I should never have left.

But we can't do that. I can't do that. There can't be any dramatic rescue. I am never going to allow him to whisk me away. We have to start at square one.

I've told him more than once that I am never leaving Juniper. No one comes before her, not even myself. He always say he knows. And then he always adds she should have been mine.


I miss him. Sometimes I think it's actually the life we had that I miss. Still, I miss him.